MEN FUCKING SUCK!

Why do I put myself in these spots? so a man that I haven't talked to in years contacted me. At first I figured I would just talk to him to catch him up on all the shit that has gone down since he moved away. Well we ended up getting "romantic". Which is really crazy considering we haven't seen each other since 2000. And he is all buff and I am mostly fluff, not like his "usual" girls. we have talked everyday all day since November 27. (I checked our text history). Well a couple of weeks ago he started throwing out the L word. I asked him not too, that we haven't even seen each other. Oh, I left out that he lives in New Jersey.

He ended up in the hospital last week and I got scared. I did say I love you then, but I don't think he really heard me because he was so stressed out and rambling. We have maintained constant communication which is why I am so worried, pissed, and yet confused right now. He was supposed to come see me next week, but he called me Saturday that he was just going to come down then, and that he would be here by midnight. I called him around 11 to give him my address and his phone was dead. I started to get worried. I texted him the address anyways and took a sleeping pill, because I was so anxious. I woke up again at 2am. still nothing. No text and his phone was still off. so I went back to sleep thinking maybe he decided to just go back home since he was supposed to work in the studio on Sunday anyways, whatever. Well in my dream he totaled his car and got a truck. We lived together during this dream. Well the husband and wife who owned the truck before it was repoed tried to come take it back, well that wasn't happening. Not much other good stuff happened in the dream, other than Will threatening to beat the guys ass if he didn't leave.

Well I wake up at 7am, first thing I did was call Will, phone is STILL off. Now I am starting to get really worried. I tried texting him numerous times, no response. I tried calling- phone still went straight to voicemail. It wasn't until last night that his phone was back to normal. Yet still no response. so I have no idea how he is, if he is even OK, or if he is afraid that I'm going to be pissed that he didn't come down when he said he was. I'm not mad at the fact he didn't come down. Honestly I'm not prepared for him to come down yet. I didn't want him to come down til closer to New Years, when my kids will be at their dads. Plus I want to work on my body a little more. Since I know he's a fitness buff I have been busting my ass working out every day!!! and its paying off. Just since the weekend after Thanksgiving I have lost 15 pounds, 2 inches off my ass, 1 inch off my waist, and 2 inches off my boobs (not happy about that one). Not bad for not even a months worth of work.

Either way, I want to know what the hell is up!!! Is he OK? Is he not? Does he think I am pissed at him so he's avoiding me? (that's one surefire way to piss me the fuck off- that's for sure) I just need to know. I don't want to be mad at him if the is no reason to be. UGH!!! well hopefully I will feel a little better now that I have gotten this off my chest. I couldn't do my usual rant on Facebook because I don't need everyone knowing my business, at least this personal. Plus not a lot of people knew we were even "seeing" each other. DUMBFUCKERY!